Maturation or devastation??:)

It has been now almost 4 month since i graduated. At the final semester in college i always knew that despite the huge load of study i will regret the
college days, but seriously i couldn't imagine that i will miss it that much; the good old college -responsibility free- days. I am now looking around me,
noticing my friends, my family, the environment around me and start to think. I find sadly that no one is happy, even i am not happy. Things really didn't
taste the way it used to be. I am enjoying things like i used to, and i am not asking much. I mean when i used to listen to certain song for example in the
past i used to be in a good mood but now i couldn't find almost anything that puts me in a good mood. Life is really cruel. For some of you might think that
i am just being hit in the face with the reality of life, well i am sorry but i hate it and i am not willing to remain in this melancholic mood forever.
Whenever i sit in a conversation with anybody i manage to know that somebody died while the other got a deadly disease and another one is getting a divorce.
This is the kind of news that one hears mostly these days. How could i be in a good mood? i ask you? when all my friends and family are in the same mood as i
am. In an attempt to rebel over this cloud of sadness i tried to do the things that used to put me in a good mood. But i find myself now not willing to do
these things, i really don't know why? i tried listening to my old songs...i try to go out with my friends as much as i can. I manage to notice me and my
friends go out, just as a means of trying to keep the thin line left of our social life and to try as much as we can to keep our friendship for later, it is
the 'obligation' to go out, and not the will to go out. I find my single friends sad cause they want to get in a relationship and settle down, i find my
friends who r in a relationship worrying about how r they going to run their lives. I find friends who work abroad sad cause they r away from home, while
those who work here, hate their jobs. For me i work cause i have to work and earn a living, i don't hate my job and in the same time i am not crazy about my
job. I used to like seeing movies and now when i got to even a comedy movie i force myself to laugh. Also after graduation, a lot of my friends just
disappeared, friend s that used to say that they are friends for life and that we will always be for each other. So i ask myself? am i really in the
maturation stage in life as people are always telling me? or is it the somewhat-devastation stage of life? I am just writing this to point out that bad news
have really a magnified effect on me, even if it doesn't concern me, it still affect me a lot. I cant help but notice that now i seek solitary companionship
with myself and that i am more comfortable away from people, and i know that this is an alarming indication, and i am not going to surrender to it! By the way i am still not crazy and i am not banging my head in the wall, and i STILL-believe it or not-have hope that someday things will get better for me
and you and everybody, cause this belief is really crucial to hang on to. btw i have been awake since 7:30 and now it is 3:26 am, so i apologize for language
and English mistakes in general. Good luck everybody

More About me!

I have always hated, and not believed those online personality tests, i always thought they were just a way of collecting information about people. Nevertheless, i didn't stop taking them, i really don't know why, maybe some free time:). Anyways i did this test recently that gave like 8 colors and u have to choose them one after another with the sequence that seems logical. Surprisingly, most of my personality analysis that came up in the results were true so i decided to share them, and post them on my blog. I really haven't had time to write on my blog recently, although have a lot of ideas to write about, and i hope that someday these ideas will come out :). Anyways here is my personality analysis results:

Your Existing Situation

Authoritative or in a position of authority, but liable to feel that further progress is rendered problematical by existing difficulties. Perseveres despite opposition.

Your Stress Sources

Unfulfilled hopes have led to uncertainty and apprehension. Needs to feel secure and to avoid any further disappointment, and fears being passed over or losing standings and prestige. Doubts that things will be any better in the future and this negative attitude leads him to make exaggerated demands and to refuse to make reasonable compromises.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense, leaving him rather isolated in his attachments.Feels that things stand in his way, that circumstances are forcing him to compromise and forgo some pleasures for the time being.

Your Desired Objective

Desires protection against anything which might exhaust or tire him. Seeks a life of security and physical ease, free from any problem or disturbance.

Your Actual Problem

Disappointment at the non-fulfillment of his hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety. He tries to escape from this by withdrawing and protecting himself with an attitude of cautious reserve. Moody and depressed.